I had an “aha!” moment once that led me to re-analyze my entire dating perspective: stop worrying about all of the ‘what if’s’ when it came to the opposite sex.
The concept seemed easy, but the problem was that I couldn’t help but clutter my mind with thoughts of what could go wrong. Will he look as good as he does in his picture? Am I as pretty as his ex? Have I been texting him too much? Instead of thinking about the potential with a new guy – I was subconsciously sabotaging my own attempt to find love by making myself an insecure mess and over thinking things before they really even started.
It didn’t fully dawn on me until after I met someone the little things I did that had a larger impact on why I had no love life.
In order to find love, we must first acknowledge our actions that are pushing people away in the first place.
1. Saying “no” too much. In order to really know if you have a connection with someone you have to be willing to put yourself out there, for better or for worse. Instead of canceling plans last-minute or shooting someone down because he isn’t typically what you go for, looks-wise, or you’re worried you might have nothing to talk about at dinner, give him a chance and maybe he won’t be what you expected. At the very least, if that date sucks, you’ll have a better understanding of what you do want.
2. Setting standards too high. We all want the perfect guy, but unfortunately it’s not an attainable goal to set. The reason being – women tend to fall in love with the qualities they didn’t know they were looking for in the first place. Although it’s great to have certain things you look for in a man, having a laundry list–and making sure someone ticks every box before you’ll even consider going out with him–might keep your dates to a minimum. Besides, how can you be sure you actually even know what you want until you date a few duds anyway?
3. Comparing yourself to others. We’re all human when it comes to noticing what others have that we don’t. From money to appearance and everything in between, it’s hard not to be envious of what we don’t have – but it has a huge impact on your positivity. When you constantly compare yourself–whether it’s worrying you’re not good enough for someone, or maybe that you don’t live up to his ex–it affects your confidence, which is one of the most attractive traits you can have.
4. Overthinking everything. It’s such a thrill when we meet someone we think we may have a future with. We lay in bed at night thinking of the first kiss, when he’ll introduce us to his parents and where he’ll speak those three magical words. Everything’s so perfect until he doesn’t reply to a text message, which leads us off the deep end — Does he not like me? Has he found someone else? Is this the end? Instead of checking your phone every five minutes, change your thoughts–and go out and do something for yourself. Chances are, he’ll text back eventually if the connection is really as strong as you think, and in the meantime, you’ve prevented any chances that you’ll send half-a-dozen annoying, insecure follow up texts like “Where are you?” “Is everything OK?” “Are WE OK?” “Can you just answer already?” when he might just be in a super-important work meeting, or catching up with a college buddy he hasn’t seen in a while.