Post #2 from our monthly dude columnist, Chicago’s Will Wilson. Take it away, Will!
Manscaping, from the Latin words for “landscaping” and “man,” is the body maintenance males must undergo in order to attempt to be attractive to the opposite sex without the aid of charm, athletic prowess, and/or stupid amounts of money.
Well at least that’s what the definition should be, if I were in charge of writing the dictionary (take notes, Merriam-Webster). So, here is your GuyTalk, all ready for this month about beauty: Here’s all you really need to know about manscaping.
We’re all familiar with the term, or at least familiar with the term ‘hygiene’ enough to know that there’s certain things you need to take care of if you’re going to keep up the illusion of being a suitable mate. In case you’re a bit fuzzy on the details, here’s a brief refresher course. Don’t worry ladies, I’ll keep it above the belt. And guys, no matter how difficult this may seem, girls do SO MUCH MORE, that this is really the least you can do.
This is the obvious one. So obvious, it’s become the PG version of Dad telling Son, “You’re a man now,” like some 1950s sitcom about the birds and the bees.
Except it’s not always that easy. There’s more to shaving than just raking your face with sharp metal–it’s about finding what’s right for you. Some ladies like a little scruff, so it pays to get a beard trimmer so you can retain that rugged look. Others prefer the clean-shaven men, so find yourself a nice set of blades and get your smooth on. Some guys can even rock a beard without looking too much like a prisoner of war…Just make sure to trim.
One thing all these looks have in common: You’ll look good if you find a look that you feel comfortable in. Keep in mind, however, that when it comes to facial hair, some are better…uh… endowed than others. If all you can grow is a few wispy strands of hair, you gotta shave that the hell off or start auditioning for “To Catch a Predator.”
2. Chest Hair
You can honestly go either way on this. Some girls like a bit of manly chest hair. Others are gonna hate it. There’s literally no way to know, and when you do find out, its probably too late to do anything (unless you’re at a really weird bar). Just go with what feels right.
But whether you’re going for the Sean Connery or the Chris Evans, you’re going to need to do some maintenance. If that chest mane ever gets above your collar bone or spills onto your arms, you’re waited too long. If it is hanging over your shirt collar, you’re in dad territory. Early and often, boys.
This sucks, it really does. And no man wants to actually have a little tweezers set lying around. But if the embarrassment of owning a bent piece of metal can save you the embarrassment of a wooly caterpillar break-dancing across your forehead, I’d say it’s worth it, don’t you?
I’m not actually going to try and tell guys that they need to get these. I honestly have never had the pleasure of having some poor lady go to town on my hands, but I have a couple good buddies who swear by them. In my own opinion, if you can take basic care of your nails, I see no need for you to go sit in a spa for a $5 clear coat.
So I’m just going warn you about the slippery slope that a mani/pedi-diction can be. It’s important to keep clean, but if you start calling your female friends to go to the spa more than they call you, you’re in dangerous territory. I’m talking about having your girlfriend wait on you to get ready, asking for outfit suggestions, spending 20 minutes doing your hair, mall trips, kale smoothie, NON-BOTTOMLESS BRUNCH metrosexual slope that you cannot afford to fall down.
Be careful out there.