This month, with our theme being all around the house and home, we had a bit of a discussion around the topic of our monthly GuyTalk column. Though our trusted writer, Will Wilson from Major Onions, is certainly no slouch in the kitchen, home decor is far from his specialty. But there is one room in every house that women certainly will never understand: The Man Cave. Why do they need it? Why call it a cave? What goes ON in there? Will stepped in to answer our questions…
MAN CAVES: Why we need them
There’s a good chance at one point in your life, you’ve stumbled into a man cave.
These “Dens of Dude” come in many shapes and sizes, featuring everything from pool tables to plasma screens to pizza boxes. But no matter how refined or rough they appear, all of these are essential parts of a man’s habitat, and are necessary for a man to live comfortably — even, and especially when in captivity.
So keeping your man’s well being in mind, here’s all you need to know about Man Caves, and why your man needs one.
It’s his Fortress of Solitude
Just like the ladies, it’s important for men to have some “me” time now and again. But unlike women, they don’t often go for manis, or a nice glass of pinot. Sometimes, a man just wants to retreat to his lair to stare at ESPN or tinker in the garage. Regardless of what he’s doing, letting him escape to be alone for a while can save you hours of headaches and foot-dragging when you tow him along to use as a packing mule at the mall. So while he may disappear for hours at a time only to emerge when you call him for dinner, a little escape from reality is all he really needs.
There’s no judgment
When he’s in his man cave, he’s in his element. He knows where everything is at all times, even if its organization involves being stacked on the coffee table. Here, he can have everything exactly how he wants it without worrying about anyone “putting it away.”
He can put his feet on the table, wear the gym shorts you hate, and fart completely freely. He can eat greasy pizza, shove hand-fulls of tortilla chips in his mouth at a time, and drink three beers before tossing the bottles away. This, ladies, is the male equivalent of “calories don’t count on stretchy pants day.”
It’s his hall of trophies
In the days of old, the lord of a manor would maintain a hall of trophies to impress his guests, whether it be treasures from faraway lands, ancestral art, or beasts stuffed and mounted among the walls.
These days, the man of the house still maintains a trophy room, although the trophies have changed. Now, they have become home theatre systems, pool tables, and fully-stocked bars.
And even though a basement bar is a far cry from a manor house, the purpose is still the same. When he has his boys over, it’s only partially with the intent of watching the big game. The second part is to show off all his high-tech toys, thus asserting his dominance.
It’s of his own design
Tales have been told among fellow bros, of women making changes around a man’s house. Now while we can argue all day whether the throw pillows, hand towels, and other touches were for the best or not, the fact remains that having a man cave allows a guy to have at least one shred of creative control. Man Caves are the last refuge of pinball machines, college pennants and movie posters, and while you may not like him making a shrine to his college days in the basement, you can rest assured that every neon sign you let him hold onto guarantees at least one more decorative plate that will be allowed without a grumble.
There you go ladies. You’re welcome.