You know what’s weird? I hate seeing wedding pins on Pinterest. I got married two years ago, and although my wedding was beautiful, it looked nothing like wedding pins, and seeing reception decor worthy of the Met Gala makes me feel some combination of jealous and lazy, like I should have tried harder at being a bride. Which is NOT how you’re supposed to feel about your wedding.
So, I’ve implemented a mantra every time I see a gorgeous four-tier cake adorned with tiny fondant replicas of every guest at the wedding, or DIY origami place cards that take more attention to detail than I gave my college applications. I remind myself that sure, maybe I could have had a Pinterest wedding, but seriously…ain’t nobody got time for that. Because jobs. And spin class. And fiances.
If you’ve logged off of Pinterest recently feeling like you should be able to give yourself a Giselle blowout, whip something up in the crock pot, and hand-knit you expectant best friend a baby blanket all before work in the morning, just remember there are a million other things you actually need to do before…
1. Braiding your hair into the shape of a nest. Considering I could never even learn to french braid correctly this looks like an absolute nightmare. If I started this when I woke up in the morning by the time I was done I’d have to go back to bed.
2. Painting the Sistine Chapel. Also known recreating this eye makeup look. I’m also factoring in the time it would take to re-do this five times before I got it right.
3. Wallpapering your fridge. I don’t even have time (slash motivation) to clean the old leftovers out of my fridge, let alone line the shelves in chevron.
4. Anything with more than 3 steps. See: the 47 step Pomander. Sure, this little flower girl decoration is cute, but it it worth risking your sanity for while you hole punch 200 flower-shaped pieces of paper?
5. Hacking Ikea furniture. It takes a minimum of 8 hours and a bottle of wine to put a piece of Ikea furniture together and then you want me to hack it? And risk messing it up and having to go buy another one to put together?
6.Hand-lettering your save the date cards. This is a great idea if you’re have 12 people at your wedding. Planning on 250? Good luck with those hand cramps.
7. The paleo diet, which basically requires that you make 35 meals per week from scratch. Lean Cuisine, anyone?